I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
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he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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