he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
