I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
