When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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