So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
