We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Someone came in the potted fern
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
