I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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