Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
