his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
