Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
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