Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I want to have your abortion
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
barbara walters just said penis...
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
