woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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