So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
