Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i need an iv and a liver transplant
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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