I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
