i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
