Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
