the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
