She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
