the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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