All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Randomize
