a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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