So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
