Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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