I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
