only if we run a train.
done.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
