She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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