i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
