she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
