I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
