It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
