I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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