There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
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Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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