Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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