Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
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