I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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