Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
