u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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