You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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