Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
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