Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
two words...techno handjob
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
