Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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