I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i will never coherently bang her
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Randomize
