My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
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