Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
