I'm lost and stupid without you.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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