I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
