just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
