I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
