Your face is a jimmy john
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i will never coherently bang her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Send help, water and tortillas.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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