Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
