genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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