I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
its not stalking. its research.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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