my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
