hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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