oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Everyone says I win the strip club
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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