I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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