i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
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