Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
