There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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