My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
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