I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
