The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
