You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
