Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
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Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
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This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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