Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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