he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
