My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
