I bet he comes in French.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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