I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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