it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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