I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
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