I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
