Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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