A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
