I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
