wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
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i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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