I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
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