I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
