There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
two words...techno handjob
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
