My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
