Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
