people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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